Being Able To Get In Touch With Their Needs


If one was to go out for a meal with a friend, it is likely to show that they both have the need to do so. This will not only allow them to fulfil their need to eat something, it will also allow them to fulfil a number of other needs.

A Match

Therefore, although they are both individuals, their needs have brought them together. But even when they are together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their needs will always be the same.

During this time, they could both have a number of different needs that they won’t be able to fulfil. Nevertheless, the needs that they are able to fulfil will more than make up for the needs that they are unable to.

Part of Life

One way of looking at this would be to say that this is something that can’t be avoided, and this is because human beings are not all the same. If everyone had the same needs, and they experienced each need at the same time, this wouldn’t be the case.

Yet as this is not how life is, one will have to overlook certain needs when they spend time with someone. Yet, once their time together has come to an end, one might be able to go about getting them met.

For Example

If one was to spend time with someone who they know from work, they might only talk about certain things. As a result of this, other parts of their life will need to be overlooked while they are in their company.

But as one will know what this person is like and what they will talk about, there will be no reason for them to be frustrated by this. In the same way that if one was to order a hot drink, they wouldn’t complain that it is hot.

Another Experience

There are then going to be other people who they spend time with, and one will be able to express the other parts of themselves around them. Each person they spend time with can then end up fulfilling different needs.

And even if one was in a relationship with someone, it is still not going to be possible for this person to fulfil all of their needs. There will be needs that they can meet and needs that they are unable to meet.

Let Down

If one was in a relationship and they expected this person to meet all of their needs, they would set themselves up to suffer. This would cause their partner to experience a lot of pressure, and the relationship might not last for very long.

Or, if it does last, it might be an area of their life that takes a lot from them and doesn’t give them much back. So, this shows how important it is for someone to be in touch with their needs and to realise that they can’t all be met by one person.

Happy family life tips

“I thought I was happily married, until she told me she was leaving.” To where? I asked thinking that she was going for shopping at Nakumatti, where she usually goes every Saturday afternoon. I was wrong.

This time she was going for good.

“I am tired of this marriage,” she shouted out.
“All you think about is yourself. Your two children.Your car.Your phone. And when you have time to sit with me in the sitting room, it is your Arsenal or Barcelona. I am tired of being equated to Messi in terms of agility. I also want to be made to feel like a woman.”
That was what a friend explained to me as his new year’s “gift”. His wife of eight years and two kids just woke up on the morning of Monday 2nd January 2017 and said enough is enough.

How is it possible for couples to live in the same room for eight years and fail to talk frankly about some major differences to the extent of a sudden break-up? In normal relationships, such issues should come up often, and ultimatums given for behavior change until someone feels the other person will never change and what they do is a deal breaker. In that case, separation is the answer.

Below are some tell-tale signs that something is not right in your relationship:

Too much Whatsup. Social media, especially, whatsup makes it easy for partners to share confidential person escapades among groups. You have a group of married men or married women, who were probably OGs or OBs. Some of these will project a very rosy picture of their marriage, explaining how their husbands treat them as queens, the gifts they receive etc. It is human condition to try to project to former schoolmates or workmates that you are far well off. In the process, some of the group members start to expect such ‘queen’ or ‘king’ kind of treatment from their partners.

Here is a partner (wife) that is focused on whole different priorities. But the Whatsup group for men, where the husband is a member, is full of testimonials and information how their wives treat them like celebrities (of course of a lot of lies). The man expects the same star treatment from the wife, but it is not forthcoming. In fact, the wife also expects something special from the husband.

The result is what I call ‘marriage bliss expectations gap’. Partners expect some special treatment which the other is not aware of and or they also expect it from the other. Because they don’t talk about it, other than read what is on the Whatssup groups they subscribe to, the result is accumulated anger for being less considerate and treating the partner like a man.

Solution:have a policy of no Whatsup at home. No Facebook at home. No Internet at home. Let it wait tomorrow morning. If either of the partner works late and gets home past 8pm. Let that time be family time. Talk about one another. Reminisce about the good old days. Talk about the future. And ask each other: what actions or tricks worked in the past that made themproud of having chosen each other. Give the opportunity for your partner to give you hints of what they like and hate. In any relationship, if it hurts when you do it,Stop doing it.

Money issues.They say money is the root of all evils. They are right. Money is the root cause of marriage breakages. That is why in many parts of America and Europe, marriage is now a contract with clear provisions of how one’s estate will be shared upon separation. It is now a unity of convenience. These things are now closer home.

The middle class is mostly affected. People want to be in marriage at soul level, not at pocket level. That is where the catch is. How do you separate matters of the heart from matters of the bank account? How do you go into a union of a life time but say, no “I will keep my money and you keep yours separate.”Which financial model works?

After interviewing over 30 couples who have been in marriage for 25 years and above, they say (i) being frank about money, was critical in their relationship. One old man said, “if I don’t have money, she will not expect a new dress. She already knows the little money we have and what it will be spent on.”

The Energetic and Dangers when you are dating

We learn early on that that sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies and STD/STIs. Schools do a wonderful job at scaring us from having sex when we’re younger by showing us images of genitals infected with diseases, the negative effects of an unwanted pregnancy, and the staggering statistics about both. I am an advocate for engaging in safe sexual practices and think it’s essential in a healthy adult relationship and as a responsible individual. One surefire way to kill any sex life or relationship is to get an incurable STD. However, what we don’t learn about as children is the other ways in which sex can be dangerous…. or amazing!

Throughout our lives, every sexual experience and every interaction builds on the next to become the filter through which we approach our lives. When we enter into a sexual relationship, we bring with us the energy of every other sexual experience we have lived previously. So if you haven’t processed or done your work around your sexuality and relationships, then you’re bringing those positive and negative energies into your new experiences.

The truth is, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, sex connects us. Yes, even one-night stands and side flings connect and change us. You are merging energy and allowing another person to engage with your most powerful energy: your sexual energy, or kundalini. Think about a heterosexual encounter, where the man is inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina. What is not seen, but what all tantra experts are aware of, is that there is an energy exchange happening in this moment. This builds a connection, as one person integrates a piece of their energy into the other’s being. Lets not forget that while all this energy is melding, our brains are also releasing oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. This is the hormone for women that creates a bond, but is also the reason why you feel so sensual after good sex.

This bonding makes any relationship stronger and deeper. Whatever that relationship has been, adding sex adds a new layer to the relationship and creates a connection. This goes for one-night stands, long-term relationships, rapes, etc. You have just built an energetic cord to that other person. This is when sex can become messy, because these connections affect how the relationship functions, for better or worse.

This energy exchange and chemical bonding can be amazing and help us to grow and expand as individuals and couples. But it can also cause unforeseen difficulties. As I said earlier, if someone hasn’t been doing their sexual work and clearing their entire systems, then you could unwittingly take on years of their negative energy if you’re not careful. Also, if we become who we have sex with, then it is important that we make sure we want to take a little piece of that other person into our being.

I can remember dating a guy who was very sweet. We got along, had great conversations and were pretty compatible… until we began playing sexually. All of a sudden, after every sexual encounter I would find myself feeling nauseous. This had never happened previously, and so after checking in with myself I realized that I was taking in a piece of this man’s energy that was not jiving with my system. As soon as I broke off the relationship, I stopped having this reaction after sex. It was my body telling me that our energies were incompatible. It was also alerting me to the underlying energy that I had been overlooking in our daily interactions.

Heart dancing from the beautiful music

Three different men, three different scenarios. What is similar is that in each scenario the man was leading and fully in the masculine. None of the men were pushy or aggressive; they instead were confident and self-assured in their actions. Each made a firm gesture, but I still had the choice at that moment to accept or deny. In scenario three, that lover would never have dragged me up the stairs without consent, but instead, he knew what he wanted and was direct in his approach, and his directness made me want it more. Often, when people think of the masculine they think of someone who is more aggressive, but in truth that is not what is behind the masculine. A true masculine man doesn’t have to be pushy and is in touch with his own feminine energy enough to be able to recognize when he needs to hold space for his woman. However, he does not live from his feminine energy.

Instead, he is focused and knows what he wants or at least is on a mission to find out. He owns when he has made a mistake and owns his emotional state. But at the end of the day, he is steady! This is what women that are fully in their balanced feminine energy want and need: a strong but steady masculine.

As a friend of mine says that women are like the ocean, all over the place but beautifully creative in their natural state, whereas men are like arrows, knowing exactly where they are headed and with fierce determination. This is why women are so connected physically to the earth and the moon. We flow in a variety of ways when we are truly allowing. Now both sexes, male and female, need some of the other to balance, but too much of the opposite and relationships and physical and emotional health begin to suffer.


I can already hear all my feminist women out there cringing at the above words!

I spent a big part of my younger years in staunch feminist mode, but the truth is I was missing a part of me. I was missing my core and guiding energy because I was too much in my masculine of “work, do, focus” when I was needing more flow and creativity to fill my spirit. This lack of flow was eating me alive, and I see it eating many of my female clients alive as well. Their hormones are out of whack. They are on handfuls of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, are fighting with their partners, and are physically drained of all energy. They are simple shells of what they were meant to be. Stepping back into your feminine does not take away from your rights or worth as a female. Instead, it makes you stand fully in your power as a female in your natural state. It is you not changing yourself to better fit in with the masculine but instead being your beautiful feminine self and embracing it!

Allowing a man to lead is not always easy. It takes pushing against our societal conditioning that says we should not “need” help from anyone else and should be independent. The truth is I do not NEED a man to open my door for me. I have two perfectly fine hands that know just how to open a door, but I WANT my lovers to take the time to honor me with these little gestures. Like in Scenario 2, sometimes it takes me actively breathing into these moments and learning to receive fully if I’m entirely truthful (something that I’m continually working on). However, in return for receiving these little gifts of honoring from my men, I also try to take the time to honor them as well and let them know they are appreciated. We learn from each other, and every time I am with them, they teach me a little bit more about myself and my femininity.

Feeling Seen on Your Relationship

I am wearing a sleek black dress, high heel shoes, a pretty garter belt, and stockings. There are no plans of having sex tonight but I did want to feel sexy in my own skin. Most of all, I wanted him to think I looked beautiful. When I walk into the room, I want his jaw to fall open and for him to have a dozen fantasies cross his mind. Throughout the night, I tease with playful statements. Nothing. Nada! He doesn’t see me sitting in this car, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and wanting to be acknowledged. Really, for him to see that I am hurting and that a smile or hug from him could fix a world of hurt. I am craving to be seen in this moment! The more I am ignored, the more my Ego begins to make up stories about what he is thinking. I don’t verbalize it but mentally I scream… “SEE ME!”

The word intimacy can be broken down into “in-to-me-see” because, really, in any type of relationship that is what we are craving at the core. As humans, we want to be seen and acknowledged. As female humans, I dare to say that we crave this even more. I hear all the time from female friends, clients, and family members the statement, “He just doesn’t see me…” From a feminine perspective, when we feel our lovers are not seeing us, it can cut right to our hearts. This not only impacts our heart but also our minds, which, with enough time and lack of attention, will seep into not only other areas of the relationship but many areas of our lives. When a woman isn’t feeling seen, then she is going to have a more difficult time orgasming or even getting turned on enough to have sex. She is going to begin to emotionally armor up which eventually leads to the huge energy blocks I work with daily in my practice. Also, she may begin to find people in her life to make her feel seen and wanted. This is when a woman begins putting her friends and other lovers before her primary man… or begins an affair. Women not being acknowledged by the people closest to them are likely to carry these feelings into their daily life and interactions, wearing down on their self-esteem and overall connection to themselves.

I dare say that it also hurts men when they believe they are putting effort into a relationship to hear the above words. Yes, some men may not be putting in the effort and aren’t trying to please their women but that is a whole different article… the “He’s Just Not Into You” article. The problem is that most men want to connect with their partners and do not want this chasm in the relationship. Oftentimes, they are clueless that there is even a problem in the first place. They want their partner to have orgasmic sex, be confident, and have free-flowing energy because in the end, they benefit from each of these areas.

Really, the burden falls on both parties in these moments. As women, we often believe that our lovers should just know. They should put together all the physical and emotional signals. They should energetically notice that something is off. Men are often shocked when their women blow up on them and tell them they never appreciate them or worse, find them in the midst of an affair and have no reason why she felt she had to find another man. Then they may finally wake up and realize they are not putting the necessary effort into the relationship.

Story on friendship that really so interest

A must read story on friendship

During WW2 the Red Cross set up a program for people to send letters to soldiers in Europe so they would never be lonely and always get mail from someone. During the course of this program a soldier received a letter from a woman he didn’t know and had never met. She asked him the typical things and he wrote a return letter with the typical answers. What was the food like? Did he get scared? Was he homesick?, and so on. To his surprise, she wrote him back, and then he wrote her back and a pen-pal friendship was formed.

As their letters became more frequent they realized that they had much in common and a friendship was formed. Through the ever increasing letters they came to know each other more and he looked forward to them as he moved ever forward into combat and danger. He spoke of the hardship and the horror, of missing home and family. She told of the sacrifice they were making at home for the soldiers and how everyone appreciated what the soldiers were doing for them.

Best Friendship Quotes

Over time their friendship began to blossom into love, but they never exchanged photos. Over the years of warfare, their love blossomed through their letters, though they never heard each other’s voices or knew what the other looked like. Eventually they declared their love for each other and decided to meet when he returned to America. Her letters sustained him despite the war raging around him. His letters touched her heart and she wished she could reach out and comfort him.

Eventually the war ended. He told her he was coming home and would be landing in New York and they made a plan to meet at Grand Central Station. He would look like countless other soldiers so he told her he would hold a bouquet of carnations and she said she would be carrying a particular book and wearing a white beret. If their love was real, they could meet and then, who knows?

As his ship docked in New York, he could think of nothing but her. His feet landed on American soil for the first time in years, but this thoughts were of nothing but getting to Grand Central Station. New York City was bustling with people thrilled the war was over and bubbling with possibility. At the station he bought a bouquet from a vendor and waited under the giant clock, eagerly searching for the beret and the book in the hands of every woman he met.

As the time passed, he began to feel disappointment until a beautiful and stylish woman came up to him and said, “Hi soldier, looking to show a girl a good time?” and winked at him. He looked for the beret and the book, but she had none. She was a streetwalker, he thought, but she was strikingly beautiful. He looked at her for a minute. The time for the meeting was well past. His friend was not going to show up, and maybe spending some time with this woman would be a consolation. But then he said, “Thank you, Miss, but no. I am waiting for someone.” and he turned away.

Shortly after, a short, plain and overweight woman appeared wearing a white beret and carrying a book. He knew it was her. He swallowed his disappointment, his hopes for meeting the love of his life dashed. But he put a big smile on his face and called her name. She smiled and came over to him. He bent to kiss her cheek, but she pushed him off. Instead she handed him the book and the beret and walked off. Confused, he took the book and opened it to the fly leaf. Written inside were the words, “I am right behind you.” He stood up, thinking we was the victim of a cruel prank and he turned quickly, his combat instincts ready to pounce. But it was the beautiful woman standing and smiling before him. She took the beret from him and put it on her head.

A History Of Abusive Relationships

When one meets someone they like, they might not look into what their past relationships were like. In this case, the only thing they could be concerned about is what the other person is like around them.

Point of Focus

This could also be a time when one will spend a lot of time thinking about what they are like as a person, and this could be someone who ticks all the right boxes, so to speak. Based on the experiences they have had with them, one could believe that this is someone who is perfect for them.

What this might then mean is that the other person has the right appearance, and this could be something that is having a big effect on how they feel about them. If one was to talk to their friends or family about what is going on for them, they might all say the same thing.

One Response

These people could say that they are happy that one has found someone who is right for them, and that could be as far as it goes. During this time, one could talk about the good moments that they have shared together.

It could be said that it will be normal for them to behave in this way, and this is because they only want what’s best for them. If they were to ask one if the person they are with is actually right for them, it could have a negative effect on them.


One might start to wonder if their friends and family support them, if they asked them a question like this. It could be as if these people don’t want them to be happy, or that they are trying to stop them from having a relationship.

However, while it can seem as though this is something that is black and white, there is going to be more to it. As even if one of their friends was to ask them if they are with the right person, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have their best interests at heart.

Out of Action

What this comes down to is that when one likes another person, it can stop them from being able to pay attention to what they are really like. It is then not that they are trying to have a negative effect; it is that they are asking the kind of questions that one is unable to ask themselves.

One’s thinking brain can end up being offline, and this is then why they will be caught up with how they feel. And, through being caught up in how they feel, it might not be possible for them to see what the other person is like.

A Clear Head

Therefore, the people around them can end up playing a very important role and, if one was to ignore them, it could soon come back to haunt them. But if these people don’t ask them about what the other is like and encourage one to use their brain, it could be said that they would be doing them a disservice.

As if these people were to do this and it caused one to take a step back from how they feel, it might save them a lot of problems in the long run. So, even if they were to feel uncomfortable about doing this, they might end up thanking them soon after.

Plans That Extra Special

Well, valentine’s is just around the corner. It is that part of the year in which everyone in this universe is dancing to the tunes of togetherness. Only love is one such feeling that heals everything. During valentine’s; new relationships are made, anguishes leave some relationships, casual bonds turn into a lifetime affairs, compassion takes over insecurities and eyes communicate the love for each other without any words.

Every person in love, tries to make this day special for the other partner in his or her unique way; making reservations for the dinner, buying priceless gifts, sharing love through hourly presents and much more. While, arranging various things for your partner, try making them extra special by adding perfection to every part of this day.

Various tips are listed below which can make your this year’s valentine’s day totally awesome if you are celebrating it in the New York City:

Fancy Dinners:

Casual dinners sound too boring for a special day. Always keep in mind that your partner is one most special person who deserves to be treated like an exception. Planning for a dinner for such a day sounds not as good as an option. However, just by changing the style of your dinner can make wonders. Learn how:

Always make sure prior reservations are made to avoid last minute hassles.

Surprise your partner by giving hints for your evening plans through messages, notes, flowers etc.

Always buy a gift for your partner.

Opt for Chauffeured Services New York for travel and ascot your partner with a smile to and from the car.

Don’t go for crowded restaurants’.

Make arrangements for the two of you at a place where you both can be yourself without worrying about the world.

Cherish your old memories and create new together.

Plan a Trip:

Getting away from the world for a few days to a place where no one can hinder your ‘love bond’ is a great idea for this day. NY Premier Limousine Service let you have the best time together if you are planning for a stress free and a lovely road trip. For other vocational getaways, follow these tips:

Pick a place from the bucket list of your partner where he or she wants to travel next.

Book your hotels, flights silently without giving a hint to your partner.

Inform her only a week before so that her or his face lights up every time he or she thinks about it.

Cooperate with moods, feelings and emotions of your partner while settling things at the workplace before leaving for vacation.

Put the wish list of your partner in order and help her or him fulfill most of the things while you are away together.

Listening is important

My eyes fell slowly on his cock, and I was instantaneously struck by sensations in my body. One sensation was a beautiful energy expanding across my pelvis and a quickening of my breath. The other reaction was a flash of fear—yes, fear. This particular lover was a larger man, and we had not ever had sex before. It was a little daunting to be faced with the possibility that my body would struggle to accommodate him and that he wouldn’t be able to read my body and, therefore, plow ahead too quickly. I was very lucky that this new lover was excellent at reading my body, from my breath to my hip movement, the level of lubrication, and the little moans coming from my lips. He made sure my body was thoroughly ready for him to enter me, and he began very slowly until my body gave him sure signs that we were comfortably joined together before beginning a deeper thrusting. We had a full session of sexing that was divine, and I was quickly whisked away into a state of overwhelming pleasure.

The above event could’ve had a very different outcome if this lover had not known how to read my body and had not taken the time to truly listen. In our society, men are not encouraged to be attentive during sex, and this is reinforced by the viewing of porn where the women are not warmed up but are instead seen being harshly penetrated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with deeply intense and primal sex! Actually, that can bring with it its own level of intimacy and can be extremely pleasurable if done right. The problem, however, is that if your woman’s body isn’t ready, it’s not going to be fulfilling for anyone involved and may even cause physical damage seen and unseen.

When women are penetrated before they are ready, the vagina will protect itself from what is seen by the body as trauma. The vaginal canal will protect itself by numbing out and building a callused barrier on the vaginal walls. The g-spot will shrink and either become painful to stimulation or numbed. The cervix during sex will move to accommodate her man as she becomes aroused, but if the woman’s body is not prepared, it is very easy to plow right into her cervix, which, at this point in the sexing, would have the potential to cause severe pain.

It is important to begin to learn the signs of arousal in a woman and, more precisely, YOUR woman since all women are going to have their own unique signals. Below are some signs that will help in beginning to gauge your woman’s arousal:

Lubrication: Let’s begin with one of the most obvious signs of arousal in women—lubrication. The woman’s body will begin to excrete lubrication when she is ready to be penetrated. If you touch your woman’s pussy and it is dry, then you have a woman that likely is not aroused enough for penetration. There occasionally can be medical issues that create a lack of lubrication, and this is more commonly seen in older women. However, as a general rule, I tell clients that if you need lubricants for vaginal penetration at the beginning of sex, then the women is not aroused enough and more foreplay needs to happen. Lubricants are great for things such as anal sex or if you have been sexing for hours, but even then it is important to pay attention to how naturally lubricated your woman is in the process.

Skin Changes: This can be a fun one to notice in different partners. At times, you can see physical changes in your woman’s skin such as goosebumps that can go over her arms, legs, stomach, and buttock. Another noticeable skin change is flushing in the chest and face. As the woman’s heart rate increases, more blood flow will be present throughout the body, so you may feel more heat radiating from the skin in places such as the breasts, pussy, and upper legs.

Breath: When we are in a deep state of arousal, our breathing will naturally change and become more short and heavy. Now, if your woman has been trained in tantric breathing, then she may have a deeper fuller breath, but you still will be able to notice slight changes in her breathing.

Verbalizations: This one can be complicated since currently we live in a world where so many women are shut down in various ways, and that includes verbalizing during sex. If the throat chakra is blocked, then she is going to have a hard time letting noise escape during sex or directly asking for what she wants. Thankfully, other women are perfectly comfortable allowing their voices to be heard, so again, pay attention to the nuances. When you begin to hear small gasps, moans, grunts— hell, even screams—then you know you are on the right track. Sometimes the verbalizations will become more breathy as she gets into a deeper state of arousal.

Side note: Women, DON’T FAKE IT!!! When you do this, you only confuse your guy even more and create distance in the sexual relationship. If you are not feeling it, have the guts to own that something isn’t working OR that you may not be in a mental state to allow an orgasm. The worst thing you can do is to pretend.

Body Movements: These are great indicators of arousal or when something isn’t working. There is a multitude of different body movements that can be watched, so this aspect is simply about being observant. An example of a positive body movement would be slight tremors in the hands, feet, belly, and chest that indicate orgasmic energy. If you see any bucking of hips, then this can indicate that the woman wants MORE! I know personally I become a wiggly mess during sex when I am truly turned on and allowing.

The beginning of one of my reoccurring fantasies

It’s late in the evening, and I’m walking with two of my lovers as the light, balmy breeze blows my hair. I look up and feel deeply connected to the moon and breathe it into my being. As we walk, I give one of my lovers a gentle hug, and then I lean sweetly into the other with an affectionate nudge. They tell me how gorgeous I look and how sexy I am in my flowy dress that cuts up my leg perfectly and makes me look like a true Goddess. Then my one lover stops and caresses the side of my face and leans over to plant a soft kiss on my lips as he puts his hands on my waist. My other lover comes up behind me and begins kissing my neck and then reaches around to tease my breasts through my dress. I lean back into the tender kisses and hear soft whispers in my ear, “Do you trust me?” I quickly nod my acknowledgment, but a shutter of nervous anticipation enters my stomach as a blindfold is quickly thrust over my eyes and securely fastened. My lovers take my hands and lead me forward as they tease with questions and scenarios they could be leading me too. We become silent except for the directions to ensure my safety and the quick pounding of my own heart up against my chest as I wonder what is about to happen. I hear a door opening and the deadly silence of an empty room. I receive soft kisses and feel teasing fingers slide my dress from my body. My soft lovers suddenly become more forceful as I am pushed onto my knees, and a cock is thrust into my mouth. My hair is grasped tightly by the lover behind me. I am egged on by the moans and demands that are escaping my lover’s lips as the other lover talks to me in sexy, low tones. Then I am lifted from my knees and shoved on a bed as my lovers simultaneously tie my wrists above my head…

Let’s just say I get exquisitely ravaged after that in a million different ways!

That is the beginning of one of my reoccurring fantasies. I will let you fill in the bits after that for yourself, but I promise you that it gets very steamy! Sometimes it’s slightly different; the people change, the exact setting changes, but it’s always arousing.

Most of us see fantasy as just an occasional fun pastime but don’t think about the importance of fantasy in our sexing and lives as a whole. I believe in mindfulness and that many of us walk around in a fog that creates an overall unhappiness. We do not recognize all the wonderful little things we are presented with each day by the universe. One research study by the University of Southern California found that we spend 1/3-1/2 of our waking hours in some form of a daydream. It’s crucial that we begin to live more in the moment and less in past and future.

That being said, it is just as crucial to take the time for fantasy because fantasy is imperative for our creativity, for manifesting our lives, for our personal development, and, more notably, for our sex lives. Fantasies are a form of self-love in that they provide pleasure and joy without the need for another, which is also an act of confidence, sexual acceptance, and empowerment.

Fantasies serve many different purposes throughout our sexual development. As young children, our fantasies looks more like dreaming about how that boy/girl will kiss us or imagining a romantic scene where we ask him/her to share a PB&J in the cafeteria, and there is that magic connection. As we get into our adolescence and hormones start raging, the fantasies usually expand into more directly sexual situations. This is when you start imaging what the “first time” will be like and the beauty of undressing your boyfriend/girlfriend for the first time. It brings a thrill that usually leads to more self-exploration. Our fantasies continue on as we age and will often include different elements that are important at that time of a person’s life. For example, when I was a teenager, I would fantasize and really focus on bringing kissing into the fantasy. Now, kissing comes into play, but there are other aspects I find enjoyable to create in my fantasy such as a certain level of sex talk or eye connection. From a psychological perspective, we often have themes in our fantasies that can give us huge clues into what areas we need to expand and where our boundaries lie.

The Orgasmic Fires

I receive the text message long before we are even supposed to meet… he is excited to see me and thinking about the upcoming meeting. I’m getting turned on mentally in that moment, and slowly, anticipation starts to build. By the time I arrive at our meeting place I have passed arousal and made it to a sense of nervousness. I barely know this man, and in the past we have only shared a few hot kisses. We begin the evening with a luxurious glass of wine, sitting on the floor and casually talking about our days. The whole time he is looking deep into my eyes and continues to make comments on how beautiful I am, how my hair and skin are so soft, etc. I begin to get lost in the trance he is creating around me. I find it hard to turn my thoughts into words and will my brain to work as I tell him how much I am enjoying his presence. We sit and begin doing some breathing exercises, and all he does is stroke my arm and goose bumps cover my entire body. He requests to undress me and instead of jumping straight to pulling off my jeans and t-shirt he slowly kisses and caresses every inch of my body as his hands ever so slowly inch my clothes off. He does so with great skill, and the whole time he’s whispering sweet words into my ear, breathing softly across my skin, and allowing me to look deep into his beautiful brown eyes. He steps back and admires my body and suddenly I feel like a 16-year-old virgin who has never let a boy look at her naked body… and boy am I turned on. I reciprocate and spend some time teasing and worshipping his body as I begin undressing him. I can see he is also turned on and electricity crackles through the air. We have barely touched naked skin yet we are both on fire!


This evening was magnificent and we continued worshipping each other. Though without my partner stoking the orgasmic fires, the evening would not have been quite so hot and steamy. One of the areas in regards to my sexual practices that I always have to keep coming back to is constantly practicing surrender and allowing the chatter in my head to fall away. This is a much harder job if a person is attempting to have sex only “half warm”. As my lovers caress not only my lips, hair, and sides but also my heart and mind, I am able to fall into the sensation. I fall into a tantric trance.

In todays’ world we are busy people and so in attempt to get everything done we never truly do anything with our whole attention. This goes for our sexual encounters as well…. It has become drive-through sex. Yes, occasionally you only have time for a quickie because the kids are screaming, the phone is ringing, and dammit you still have to finish up that project from work. However even in that situation there are ways to turn that quickie from a “nice release” to a “hot little romp”.

Both sexes need to stoke their orgasmic energy prior to intercourse but often for different reasons. Women take an average of 20minutes to become aroused and to be ready to have an orgasm. Women need to truly be able to take the time to drop fully into their bodies, which includes being able to get out of their heads. They need to feel that their partners are with them and that the energetic connection is present. The pussy intuitively knows when something is missing from this equation and so often will not fully open. This is where the sex is not satisfying or creates physical damage to the woman’s body. Men, on the other hand, have an easier time getting aroused and from a young age are conditioned to be more in tune with their genitals. However, in order for men to experience a full body orgasm that lasts for an extended amount of time and not simply have a sharp 30 second party, they also need time to build the kundalini energy all the way up the spine from the root chakra. Foreplay is important for the male body, most especially if the man is having problems with premature ejaculation, difficulty ejaculating, difficulty connecting emotionally with his partner, or if the man is experiencing quick/short orgasms. It is also worth mentioning that when the female energy is awakened, she is going to pull incredibly strong energy up in the male, and so their combined orgasms are going to be stronger.