Monthly Archives: November 2016

Heart dancing from the beautiful music

Three different men, three different scenarios. What is similar is that in each scenario the man was leading and fully in the masculine. None of the men were pushy or aggressive; they instead were confident and self-assured in their actions. Each made a firm gesture, but I still had the choice at that moment to accept or deny. In scenario three, that lover would never have dragged me up the stairs without consent, but instead, he knew what he wanted and was direct in his approach, and his directness made me want it more. Often, when people think of the masculine they think of someone who is more aggressive, but in truth that is not what is behind the masculine. A true masculine man doesn’t have to be pushy and is in touch with his own feminine energy enough to be able to recognize when he needs to hold space for his woman. However, he does not live from his feminine energy.

Instead, he is focused and knows what he wants or at least is on a mission to find out. He owns when he has made a mistake and owns his emotional state. But at the end of the day, he is steady! This is what women that are fully in their balanced feminine energy want and need: a strong but steady masculine.

As a friend of mine says that women are like the ocean, all over the place but beautifully creative in their natural state, whereas men are like arrows, knowing exactly where they are headed and with fierce determination. This is why women are so connected physically to the earth and the moon. We flow in a variety of ways when we are truly allowing. Now both sexes, male and female, need some of the other to balance, but too much of the opposite and relationships and physical and emotional health begin to suffer.

WOMEN:

I can already hear all my feminist women out there cringing at the above words!

I spent a big part of my younger years in staunch feminist mode, but the truth is I was missing a part of me. I was missing my core and guiding energy because I was too much in my masculine of “work, do, focus” when I was needing more flow and creativity to fill my spirit. This lack of flow was eating me alive, and I see it eating many of my female clients alive as well. Their hormones are out of whack. They are on handfuls of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, are fighting with their partners, and are physically drained of all energy. They are simple shells of what they were meant to be. Stepping back into your feminine does not take away from your rights or worth as a female. Instead, it makes you stand fully in your power as a female in your natural state. It is you not changing yourself to better fit in with the masculine but instead being your beautiful feminine self and embracing it!

Allowing a man to lead is not always easy. It takes pushing against our societal conditioning that says we should not “need” help from anyone else and should be independent. The truth is I do not NEED a man to open my door for me. I have two perfectly fine hands that know just how to open a door, but I WANT my lovers to take the time to honor me with these little gestures. Like in Scenario 2, sometimes it takes me actively breathing into these moments and learning to receive fully if I’m entirely truthful (something that I’m continually working on). However, in return for receiving these little gifts of honoring from my men, I also try to take the time to honor them as well and let them know they are appreciated. We learn from each other, and every time I am with them, they teach me a little bit more about myself and my femininity.

Being Able To Get In Touch With Their Needs

 

If one was to go out for a meal with a friend, it is likely to show that they both have the need to do so. This will not only allow them to fulfil their need to eat something, it will also allow them to fulfil a number of other needs.

A Match

Therefore, although they are both individuals, their needs have brought them together. But even when they are together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their needs will always be the same.

During this time, they could both have a number of different needs that they won’t be able to fulfil. Nevertheless, the needs that they are able to fulfil will more than make up for the needs that they are unable to.

Part of Life

One way of looking at this would be to say that this is something that can’t be avoided, and this is because human beings are not all the same. If everyone had the same needs, and they experienced each need at the same time, this wouldn’t be the case.

Yet as this is not how life is, one will have to overlook certain needs when they spend time with someone. Yet, once their time together has come to an end, one might be able to go about getting them met.

For Example

If one was to spend time with someone who they know from work, they might only talk about certain things. As a result of this, other parts of their life will need to be overlooked while they are in their company.

But as one will know what this person is like and what they will talk about, there will be no reason for them to be frustrated by this. In the same way that if one was to order a hot drink, they wouldn’t complain that it is hot.

Another Experience

There are then going to be other people who they spend time with, and one will be able to express the other parts of themselves around them. Each person they spend time with can then end up fulfilling different needs.

And even if one was in a relationship with someone, it is still not going to be possible for this person to fulfil all of their needs. There will be needs that they can meet and needs that they are unable to meet.

Let Down

If one was in a relationship and they expected this person to meet all of their needs, they would set themselves up to suffer. This would cause their partner to experience a lot of pressure, and the relationship might not last for very long.

Or, if it does last, it might be an area of their life that takes a lot from them and doesn’t give them much back. So, this shows how important it is for someone to be in touch with their needs and to realise that they can’t all be met by one person.

Feeling Seen on Your Relationship

I am wearing a sleek black dress, high heel shoes, a pretty garter belt, and stockings. There are no plans of having sex tonight but I did want to feel sexy in my own skin. Most of all, I wanted him to think I looked beautiful. When I walk into the room, I want his jaw to fall open and for him to have a dozen fantasies cross his mind. Throughout the night, I tease with playful statements. Nothing. Nada! He doesn’t see me sitting in this car, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and wanting to be acknowledged. Really, for him to see that I am hurting and that a smile or hug from him could fix a world of hurt. I am craving to be seen in this moment! The more I am ignored, the more my Ego begins to make up stories about what he is thinking. I don’t verbalize it but mentally I scream… “SEE ME!”

The word intimacy can be broken down into “in-to-me-see” because, really, in any type of relationship that is what we are craving at the core. As humans, we want to be seen and acknowledged. As female humans, I dare to say that we crave this even more. I hear all the time from female friends, clients, and family members the statement, “He just doesn’t see me…” From a feminine perspective, when we feel our lovers are not seeing us, it can cut right to our hearts. This not only impacts our heart but also our minds, which, with enough time and lack of attention, will seep into not only other areas of the relationship but many areas of our lives. When a woman isn’t feeling seen, then she is going to have a more difficult time orgasming or even getting turned on enough to have sex. She is going to begin to emotionally armor up which eventually leads to the huge energy blocks I work with daily in my practice. Also, she may begin to find people in her life to make her feel seen and wanted. This is when a woman begins putting her friends and other lovers before her primary man… or begins an affair. Women not being acknowledged by the people closest to them are likely to carry these feelings into their daily life and interactions, wearing down on their self-esteem and overall connection to themselves.

I dare say that it also hurts men when they believe they are putting effort into a relationship to hear the above words. Yes, some men may not be putting in the effort and aren’t trying to please their women but that is a whole different article… the “He’s Just Not Into You” article. The problem is that most men want to connect with their partners and do not want this chasm in the relationship. Oftentimes, they are clueless that there is even a problem in the first place. They want their partner to have orgasmic sex, be confident, and have free-flowing energy because in the end, they benefit from each of these areas.

Really, the burden falls on both parties in these moments. As women, we often believe that our lovers should just know. They should put together all the physical and emotional signals. They should energetically notice that something is off. Men are often shocked when their women blow up on them and tell them they never appreciate them or worse, find them in the midst of an affair and have no reason why she felt she had to find another man. Then they may finally wake up and realize they are not putting the necessary effort into the relationship.

Story on friendship that really so interest

A must read story on friendship

During WW2 the Red Cross set up a program for people to send letters to soldiers in Europe so they would never be lonely and always get mail from someone. During the course of this program a soldier received a letter from a woman he didn’t know and had never met. She asked him the typical things and he wrote a return letter with the typical answers. What was the food like? Did he get scared? Was he homesick?, and so on. To his surprise, she wrote him back, and then he wrote her back and a pen-pal friendship was formed.

As their letters became more frequent they realized that they had much in common and a friendship was formed. Through the ever increasing letters they came to know each other more and he looked forward to them as he moved ever forward into combat and danger. He spoke of the hardship and the horror, of missing home and family. She told of the sacrifice they were making at home for the soldiers and how everyone appreciated what the soldiers were doing for them.

Best Friendship Quotes

Over time their friendship began to blossom into love, but they never exchanged photos. Over the years of warfare, their love blossomed through their letters, though they never heard each other’s voices or knew what the other looked like. Eventually they declared their love for each other and decided to meet when he returned to America. Her letters sustained him despite the war raging around him. His letters touched her heart and she wished she could reach out and comfort him.

Eventually the war ended. He told her he was coming home and would be landing in New York and they made a plan to meet at Grand Central Station. He would look like countless other soldiers so he told her he would hold a bouquet of carnations and she said she would be carrying a particular book and wearing a white beret. If their love was real, they could meet and then, who knows?

As his ship docked in New York, he could think of nothing but her. His feet landed on American soil for the first time in years, but this thoughts were of nothing but getting to Grand Central Station. New York City was bustling with people thrilled the war was over and bubbling with possibility. At the station he bought a bouquet from a vendor and waited under the giant clock, eagerly searching for the beret and the book in the hands of every woman he met.

As the time passed, he began to feel disappointment until a beautiful and stylish woman came up to him and said, “Hi soldier, looking to show a girl a good time?” and winked at him. He looked for the beret and the book, but she had none. She was a streetwalker, he thought, but she was strikingly beautiful. He looked at her for a minute. The time for the meeting was well past. His friend was not going to show up, and maybe spending some time with this woman would be a consolation. But then he said, “Thank you, Miss, but no. I am waiting for someone.” and he turned away.

Shortly after, a short, plain and overweight woman appeared wearing a white beret and carrying a book. He knew it was her. He swallowed his disappointment, his hopes for meeting the love of his life dashed. But he put a big smile on his face and called her name. She smiled and came over to him. He bent to kiss her cheek, but she pushed him off. Instead she handed him the book and the beret and walked off. Confused, he took the book and opened it to the fly leaf. Written inside were the words, “I am right behind you.” He stood up, thinking we was the victim of a cruel prank and he turned quickly, his combat instincts ready to pounce. But it was the beautiful woman standing and smiling before him. She took the beret from him and put it on her head.

Happy family life tips

“I thought I was happily married, until she told me she was leaving.” To where? I asked thinking that she was going for shopping at Nakumatti, where she usually goes every Saturday afternoon. I was wrong.

This time she was going for good.

“I am tired of this marriage,” she shouted out.
“All you think about is yourself. Your two children.Your car.Your phone. And when you have time to sit with me in the sitting room, it is your Arsenal or Barcelona. I am tired of being equated to Messi in terms of agility. I also want to be made to feel like a woman.”
That was what a friend explained to me as his new year’s “gift”. His wife of eight years and two kids just woke up on the morning of Monday 2nd January 2017 and said enough is enough.

How is it possible for couples to live in the same room for eight years and fail to talk frankly about some major differences to the extent of a sudden break-up? In normal relationships, such issues should come up often, and ultimatums given for behavior change until someone feels the other person will never change and what they do is a deal breaker. In that case, separation is the answer.

Below are some tell-tale signs that something is not right in your relationship:

Too much Whatsup. Social media, especially, whatsup makes it easy for partners to share confidential person escapades among groups. You have a group of married men or married women, who were probably OGs or OBs. Some of these will project a very rosy picture of their marriage, explaining how their husbands treat them as queens, the gifts they receive etc. It is human condition to try to project to former schoolmates or workmates that you are far well off. In the process, some of the group members start to expect such ‘queen’ or ‘king’ kind of treatment from their partners.

Here is a partner (wife) that is focused on whole different priorities. But the Whatsup group for men, where the husband is a member, is full of testimonials and information how their wives treat them like celebrities (of course of a lot of lies). The man expects the same star treatment from the wife, but it is not forthcoming. In fact, the wife also expects something special from the husband.

The result is what I call ‘marriage bliss expectations gap’. Partners expect some special treatment which the other is not aware of and or they also expect it from the other. Because they don’t talk about it, other than read what is on the Whatssup groups they subscribe to, the result is accumulated anger for being less considerate and treating the partner like a man.

Solution:have a policy of no Whatsup at home. No Facebook at home. No Internet at home. Let it wait tomorrow morning. If either of the partner works late and gets home past 8pm. Let that time be family time. Talk about one another. Reminisce about the good old days. Talk about the future. And ask each other: what actions or tricks worked in the past that made themproud of having chosen each other. Give the opportunity for your partner to give you hints of what they like and hate. In any relationship, if it hurts when you do it,Stop doing it.

Money issues.They say money is the root of all evils. They are right. Money is the root cause of marriage breakages. That is why in many parts of America and Europe, marriage is now a contract with clear provisions of how one’s estate will be shared upon separation. It is now a unity of convenience. These things are now closer home.

The middle class is mostly affected. People want to be in marriage at soul level, not at pocket level. That is where the catch is. How do you separate matters of the heart from matters of the bank account? How do you go into a union of a life time but say, no “I will keep my money and you keep yours separate.”Which financial model works?

After interviewing over 30 couples who have been in marriage for 25 years and above, they say (i) being frank about money, was critical in their relationship. One old man said, “if I don’t have money, she will not expect a new dress. She already knows the little money we have and what it will be spent on.”