Happy family life tips

“I thought I was happily married, until she told me she was leaving.” To where? I asked thinking that she was going for shopping at Nakumatti, where she usually goes every Saturday afternoon. I was wrong.

This time she was going for good.

“I am tired of this marriage,” she shouted out.
“All you think about is yourself. Your two children.Your car.Your phone. And when you have time to sit with me in the sitting room, it is your Arsenal or Barcelona. I am tired of being equated to Messi in terms of agility. I also want to be made to feel like a woman.”
That was what a friend explained to me as his new year’s “gift”. His wife of eight years and two kids just woke up on the morning of Monday 2nd January 2017 and said enough is enough.

How is it possible for couples to live in the same room for eight years and fail to talk frankly about some major differences to the extent of a sudden break-up? In normal relationships, such issues should come up often, and ultimatums given for behavior change until someone feels the other person will never change and what they do is a deal breaker. In that case, separation is the answer.

Below are some tell-tale signs that something is not right in your relationship:

Too much Whatsup. Social media, especially, whatsup makes it easy for partners to share confidential person escapades among groups. You have a group of married men or married women, who were probably OGs or OBs. Some of these will project a very rosy picture of their marriage, explaining how their husbands treat them as queens, the gifts they receive etc. It is human condition to try to project to former schoolmates or workmates that you are far well off. In the process, some of the group members start to expect such ‘queen’ or ‘king’ kind of treatment from their partners.

Here is a partner (wife) that is focused on whole different priorities. But the Whatsup group for men, where the husband is a member, is full of testimonials and information how their wives treat them like celebrities (of course of a lot of lies). The man expects the same star treatment from the wife, but it is not forthcoming. In fact, the wife also expects something special from the husband.

The result is what I call ‘marriage bliss expectations gap’. Partners expect some special treatment which the other is not aware of and or they also expect it from the other. Because they don’t talk about it, other than read what is on the Whatssup groups they subscribe to, the result is accumulated anger for being less considerate and treating the partner like a man.

Solution:have a policy of no Whatsup at home. No Facebook at home. No Internet at home. Let it wait tomorrow morning. If either of the partner works late and gets home past 8pm. Let that time be family time. Talk about one another. Reminisce about the good old days. Talk about the future. And ask each other: what actions or tricks worked in the past that made themproud of having chosen each other. Give the opportunity for your partner to give you hints of what they like and hate. In any relationship, if it hurts when you do it,Stop doing it.

Money issues.They say money is the root of all evils. They are right. Money is the root cause of marriage breakages. That is why in many parts of America and Europe, marriage is now a contract with clear provisions of how one’s estate will be shared upon separation. It is now a unity of convenience. These things are now closer home.

The middle class is mostly affected. People want to be in marriage at soul level, not at pocket level. That is where the catch is. How do you separate matters of the heart from matters of the bank account? How do you go into a union of a life time but say, no “I will keep my money and you keep yours separate.”Which financial model works?

After interviewing over 30 couples who have been in marriage for 25 years and above, they say (i) being frank about money, was critical in their relationship. One old man said, “if I don’t have money, she will not expect a new dress. She already knows the little money we have and what it will be spent on.”