Listening is important

My eyes fell slowly on his cock, and I was instantaneously struck by sensations in my body. One sensation was a beautiful energy expanding across my pelvis and a quickening of my breath. The other reaction was a flash of fear—yes, fear. This particular lover was a larger man, and we had not ever had sex before. It was a little daunting to be faced with the possibility that my body would struggle to accommodate him and that he wouldn’t be able to read my body and, therefore, plow ahead too quickly. I was very lucky that this new lover was excellent at reading my body, from my breath to my hip movement, the level of lubrication, and the little moans coming from my lips. He made sure my body was thoroughly ready for him to enter me, and he began very slowly until my body gave him sure signs that we were comfortably joined together before beginning a deeper thrusting. We had a full session of sexing that was divine, and I was quickly whisked away into a state of overwhelming pleasure.

The above event could’ve had a very different outcome if this lover had not known how to read my body and had not taken the time to truly listen. In our society, men are not encouraged to be attentive during sex, and this is reinforced by the viewing of porn where the women are not warmed up but are instead seen being harshly penetrated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with deeply intense and primal sex! Actually, that can bring with it its own level of intimacy and can be extremely pleasurable if done right. The problem, however, is that if your woman’s body isn’t ready, it’s not going to be fulfilling for anyone involved and may even cause physical damage seen and unseen.

When women are penetrated before they are ready, the vagina will protect itself from what is seen by the body as trauma. The vaginal canal will protect itself by numbing out and building a callused barrier on the vaginal walls. The g-spot will shrink and either become painful to stimulation or numbed. The cervix during sex will move to accommodate her man as she becomes aroused, but if the woman’s body is not prepared, it is very easy to plow right into her cervix, which, at this point in the sexing, would have the potential to cause severe pain.

It is important to begin to learn the signs of arousal in a woman and, more precisely, YOUR woman since all women are going to have their own unique signals. Below are some signs that will help in beginning to gauge your woman’s arousal:

Lubrication: Let’s begin with one of the most obvious signs of arousal in women—lubrication. The woman’s body will begin to excrete lubrication when she is ready to be penetrated. If you touch your woman’s pussy and it is dry, then you have a woman that likely is not aroused enough for penetration. There occasionally can be medical issues that create a lack of lubrication, and this is more commonly seen in older women. However, as a general rule, I tell clients that if you need lubricants for vaginal penetration at the beginning of sex, then the women is not aroused enough and more foreplay needs to happen. Lubricants are great for things such as anal sex or if you have been sexing for hours, but even then it is important to pay attention to how naturally lubricated your woman is in the process.

Skin Changes: This can be a fun one to notice in different partners. At times, you can see physical changes in your woman’s skin such as goosebumps that can go over her arms, legs, stomach, and buttock. Another noticeable skin change is flushing in the chest and face. As the woman’s heart rate increases, more blood flow will be present throughout the body, so you may feel more heat radiating from the skin in places such as the breasts, pussy, and upper legs.

Breath: When we are in a deep state of arousal, our breathing will naturally change and become more short and heavy. Now, if your woman has been trained in tantric breathing, then she may have a deeper fuller breath, but you still will be able to notice slight changes in her breathing.

Verbalizations: This one can be complicated since currently we live in a world where so many women are shut down in various ways, and that includes verbalizing during sex. If the throat chakra is blocked, then she is going to have a hard time letting noise escape during sex or directly asking for what she wants. Thankfully, other women are perfectly comfortable allowing their voices to be heard, so again, pay attention to the nuances. When you begin to hear small gasps, moans, grunts— hell, even screams—then you know you are on the right track. Sometimes the verbalizations will become more breathy as she gets into a deeper state of arousal.

Side note: Women, DON’T FAKE IT!!! When you do this, you only confuse your guy even more and create distance in the sexual relationship. If you are not feeling it, have the guts to own that something isn’t working OR that you may not be in a mental state to allow an orgasm. The worst thing you can do is to pretend.

Body Movements: These are great indicators of arousal or when something isn’t working. There is a multitude of different body movements that can be watched, so this aspect is simply about being observant. An example of a positive body movement would be slight tremors in the hands, feet, belly, and chest that indicate orgasmic energy. If you see any bucking of hips, then this can indicate that the woman wants MORE! I know personally I become a wiggly mess during sex when I am truly turned on and allowing.